end of mourning for steve irwin. boohoo.
so mummy's flying off at 10 to bangkok.
which is good for her coz she should and she deserves to relax.
and it's so sudden. think she just book the tix yesterday.
woke up in the morning 10.30. then slack out.
my sis was already home by then.
and she was telling me that i did not wake up her .
i say it wasnt my fault, she had set alarm.
and then she admit she had slept back. seesh.
so woke up. watch shows on tv and msn on the comp.
then chat with timothy and view mvs on youtube.
did my heymath homework. and spoilt my calculator
because it fell and crash on the floor accidentally.
so T.T because i am so need to save up for a calculator.
then around 4 ++ went to bathe and everything.
left house at 5+. was listening to music and reading books.
then wen kai called me when i was at outram.
it turns out that he and celest boarded the same train with me.
it's just that i dunno. so went together.
thank God i've got books with me. =)
so met merilyn and eugene at jurong point.
so i'm stuck between two couples =.=
then they went to buy dinner.
end up bought black forest. which is expresso and cherry
quite nice. the taste of cherry very strong.
then took 179 to church. then saw another couple.
darrion and hui fang. anyway we went separate ways.
so ate at the riveria and then went down for PM.
then saw another couple, dorigo and prisca.
apparently. those who went to wild wild wet today look so red.
lols. pm was great. and then went home.
on the train, i was thinking about many many things.
then merilyn came and talk to me.
i didnt exactly poured out everything
but i cried real hard. till my eyes were swollen.
then went to serangoon and take 109.
then dorigo boarded the bus at the bus stop opposite bowen.
apparently after sending prisca home.
then reach home. tired to cover my face.
success and then went into my room.
took my pillows and stuff out.
and went to the office.
so today i am settling myself in the office.
because i felt i seriously need time and peace to face God.

**starting from here are stuffs that are kept in my heart for long. you dun have to read if you dun want to.**





how would a parent feel if their child didnt grow up the way they want to see him grow.
how would a leader feel if their members didnt grow up the way they want to see him/ her grow.
how would a friend feel if their close friend didnt grow up the way they want to see him grow.

it all sum up to a word : disappointed.

how would a girl who.
-had a father who works till late.
-had a mother who also works.
-started reading educational book at 3
-often finds herself sitting in her mum's office while
her mum is in meeting and stuffs while her collegue tries to pull funny faces.
-often find herself left to take care of her younger sister.
-left alone with her sister at home often.
-had little communication with her parents.
- felt lonely
- felt unloved

how would you react to her.
this girl is none other than yours truely.
i dun even know how to react to myself.

maybe thats why i had low self esteem.
in case you guys didnt noe.
i am an avoidant.
i fear relationships because of low self esteem.
i would consider tons and millions of things before
i do or say anything lest i hurt that person's feelings.

it suddenly hit me on monday that i had made an inner vow.
which is not to get attach till 18.
and seriously i need to repent from unforgiveness and stuffs.
haven really been' able to put some stuffs down.

so anyway. been thinking and stuff and its time to seek the Lord.
tata

<3 ZOE. 12:56 AM